Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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