I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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