How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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