2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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