i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize