i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
