I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I FOUND THE LEGS
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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