Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
