ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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