why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
