Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
