i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
