Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize