Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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