You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize