Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
