Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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