So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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