just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
