we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
