I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
