There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I deserve this hangover.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
