Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize