I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
