don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I touched a dick in church today
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