y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
