A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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