At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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