I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
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