where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
