i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
