if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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