I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Randomize
