real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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