dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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