Don't you send me to vm
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
