I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So squirting runs in the family.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
