VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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