somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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