I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
