I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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