Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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