he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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