so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
