i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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