Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
porn star boner night. come get it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
