Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
