we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
cat food counts as protein by the way
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
