at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
