i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
