apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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