i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
