I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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