i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
