Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
