Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
