He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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