please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
How's work?
Spinning.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
