So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
