NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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