I think scott just propositioned me for sex
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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