There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
