..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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