My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
