I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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