I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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