yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
