she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
