doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
