Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
